Sunday, June 10, 2012

Sunday Morning Blues

I am blue, down, and flat out mad on this beautiful Sunday morning.. I know I shouldn't be, I thank the Lord for such an amazing sunrise this morning. Why you ask? Am I in such a fowl mood... Because my husband's alarm went off at 3:30 this morning and he was gone by 4:30, off to do who knows what. This place we live on has decided to sell all but 500 head of cattle out of a 4000 head herd. They want to make the ranch strictly a hunting deal. The owner is wanting to make fancy enhancements to the hunting camps as a promotional deal to do business, and he needs the land that the cattle are on to ensure his guests get a deer or elk or whatever else lives out here. It's quite depressing really and has left us in a jam, sorta.

Now, before I continue, I mean no disrespect to anyone, I'm just stating my mind. 

For the past couple of months T has been looking for a new job. Besides the major changes that are going on out here, there has also been the management problem that he's been dealing with since day 1. He says they are a little bit different out here, and from the stories he comes home and tells me, I have to agree. We have been very unsuccessful in T's job hunt, which makes me wonder if we are to stay out here and tough it out.. Surly not. Since they have started to gather cattle, its been up at 4 am every morning, home at 5pm or later, in bed by 8pm, wake up the next morning and do it all over again for the past 2 1/2  weeks! without a break in between. I was fine with that for about the first week, until Sunday rolled around and and T was up early again. We thought for sure he would have Sunday off, since the foreman has until October to sell everything. And just so you know, if we were in the middle of a normal cow works, I'd be fine with no Sunday off. It's part of the job...

So this gets me to thinking. What if we are to stay out here, and how can we make it better. All the ideas I have are usually shot down, no they were shot down, all of them. Bottom line and the conclusion: we have to leave this place.

Ok, so I go to thinking again, this time with a little help from my dad. All the ideas we come up with, shot down in the long run. I will say they were given a little more thought but shot down none the less. Well I altered some of those ideas, got rid of a few and added a few and... I'm just waiting for them to be shot down too.

Can you tell that I'm thoroughly frustrated? I am, very much so! I've been praying hard about the ideas and what were supposed to do and I feel like I'm not getting any support. It's as if T wants to stay out here, like he likes to complain about how bad it is and how bad he wants to move... So I told him, you come up with some ideas of your own and we will maul them over. He did, but they were very far fetched. Guess you could say I shot them down, but all his ideas are nearly impossible for us to achieve at this time. At least the one's I came up with weren't so bad and could help us to achieve his ideas later in life.

I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself and should just suck it up that T's gone all the time. No I don't particularly like being out here by myself with K, or that T and I don't ever have any fun anymore, or.. that we don't go to church together anymore. Yesterday I went to a pasture roping that the church was putting on, only because T said I should. I hadn't intended on going because he couldn't go, but I went, and had fun, and got home with him slightly making me feel bad about going....

I love my T, I love him very much and I'm not saying he is the only flawed one here because he's not. I'm having a very hard time being patient about this whole deal...

But anyways, I'm sure your tired of my ranting and raving and my Sunday morning blues.. but I've had enough and I don't know what to do about it.


  1. It really is the pits, girl. We'll pray for y'all, for a new job, if it is to be, and if not to just help you to cope with where He has you now.

    It was SO much fun Saturday, thanks for being on our team, even if we didn't catch!! Word is they are going to do a pasture roping again instead of the cowboy roping.... so maybe we can practice up some more and give it another shot? And maybe this time T can come with ya, too!!

    I hope your Monday is off to a better start, and that the week goes better, too! :)

  2. You know, I keep thinking that we have to be here for a reason. We keep getting shot down too, as far as the job hunting goes.
    I've been thinking a lot that maybe we are all 'stuck' so we all stay centrally located. Times are getting so weird, and unsure that maybe there's a reason the Lord is keeping us all put. I mean, not to sound like a doomsayer... but there may come a time when we really need our families. Ya know?
    I know that doesn't change the fact that the job situation stinks...Ours does too. But we have decided to just let it go, and give it to the Lord. If He wants us to leave, then something will come a long. In the meantime, we have to choose every day, despite the way we feel, to be thankful for what we have. Our kids are healthy, we have a roof over our heads, and food to eat. Not to mention the little, every day blessings. You just have to make up your mind that your going to look for those blessings, big and small and CHOOSE to think on those things. I know your tired and impatient and hate being alone... I struggle with the same things! Its part of being human, and when things are rough, we want them fixed instantly. But fire refines gold. :) Just keep praying and seeking the Lord. Pray for T... He's your husband, and I know he wants to provide the best he can for you and K.
    This is a hard time to be a cowboy... Its all he's ever wanted, and known. J is the same way. But its slowly fading away, and its very, very sad. Its hard on them because they don't know what to do.
    I'm praying for ya'll, it'll get better! And I saw this yesterday and thought it was good...

    "We are married to imperfect people so that we have the opportunity to learn how to love unconditionally, extend grace, and give mercy!"

    I liked that because Jesus calls us to be like Him, and to be like Him we have to learn how to love, extend grace, and give mercy. Because He did all those things first, for us!

  3. Hang in there - it will get better. Keep praying and God will bring that job that both of you like. It's tough, but this too shall pass. Praying for you all!

  4. Wise, wise words from your SIL! I know it's hard, but His promises are eternal and He is blessing you each and every day. I wrote a piece about that just yesterday:

    I hope it helps a little.

  5. I wanted to share this post with you: