Sunday Morning Blues

I am blue, down, and flat out mad on this beautiful Sunday morning.. I know I shouldn't be, I thank the Lord for such an amazing sunrise this morning. Why you ask? Am I in such a fowl mood... Because my husband's alarm went off at 3:30 this morning and he was gone by 4:30, off to do who knows what. This place we live on has decided to sell all but 500 head of cattle out of a 4000 head herd. They want to make the ranch strictly a hunting deal. The owner is wanting to make fancy enhancements to the hunting camps as a promotional deal to do business, and he needs the land that the cattle are on to ensure his guests get a deer or elk or whatever else lives out here. It's quite depressing really and has left us in a jam, sorta.

Now, before I continue, I mean no disrespect to anyone, I'm just stating my mind. 

For the past couple of months T has been looking for a new job. Besides the major changes that are going on out here, there has also been the management problem that he's been dealing with since day 1. He says they are a little bit different out here, and from the stories he comes home and tells me, I have to agree. We have been very unsuccessful in T's job hunt, which makes me wonder if we are to stay out here and tough it out.. Surly not. Since they have started to gather cattle, its been up at 4 am every morning, home at 5pm or later, in bed by 8pm, wake up the next morning and do it all over again for the past 2 1/2  weeks! without a break in between. I was fine with that for about the first week, until Sunday rolled around and and T was up early again. We thought for sure he would have Sunday off, since the foreman has until October to sell everything. And just so you know, if we were in the middle of a normal cow works, I'd be fine with no Sunday off. It's part of the job...

So this gets me to thinking. What if we are to stay out here, and how can we make it better. All the ideas I have are usually shot down, no they were shot down, all of them. Bottom line and the conclusion: we have to leave this place.

Ok, so I go to thinking again, this time with a little help from my dad. All the ideas we come up with, shot down in the long run. I will say they were given a little more thought but shot down none the less. Well I altered some of those ideas, got rid of a few and added a few and... I'm just waiting for them to be shot down too.

Can you tell that I'm thoroughly frustrated? I am, very much so! I've been praying hard about the ideas and what were supposed to do and I feel like I'm not getting any support. It's as if T wants to stay out here, like he likes to complain about how bad it is and how bad he wants to move... So I told him, you come up with some ideas of your own and we will maul them over. He did, but they were very far fetched. Guess you could say I shot them down, but all his ideas are nearly impossible for us to achieve at this time. At least the one's I came up with weren't so bad and could help us to achieve his ideas later in life.

I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself and should just suck it up that T's gone all the time. No I don't particularly like being out here by myself with K, or that T and I don't ever have any fun anymore, or.. that we don't go to church together anymore. Yesterday I went to a pasture roping that the church was putting on, only because T said I should. I hadn't intended on going because he couldn't go, but I went, and had fun, and got home with him slightly making me feel bad about going....

I love my T, I love him very much and I'm not saying he is the only flawed one here because he's not. I'm having a very hard time being patient about this whole deal...

But anyways, I'm sure your tired of my ranting and raving and my Sunday morning blues.. but I've had enough and I don't know what to do about it.